It was beyond wonderful to hear your voice again after such a long absence. (Not that I had forgotten what you sounded like – as I recognized it from the first “Hello.”) Your words, and your laughter, had a calming effect that caused my body to feel warm all over from the inside out, at once displacing the long-felt anxiety of believing that I had been completely forgotten -or at least never brought to mind – a relic of days long past, with reassurance that I still meant something -at least.

As we discussed jobs and family, trials and successes, progress and missteps, I once again felt the connection that we once shared, but had seemed to fade with time. My HOPE was being renewed. The walls that I had been fortifying were opening again. I hadn’t realized just how much tension I held throughout my body, until that moment that it began to relax at the sound of your voice. I felt comforted, peaceful, valued, and loved. I felt once again that there was someone who understood me, and cared about my well-being. My parched soul received rejuvenating rain, and began to bounce back to life.

As I remained fully present and attentive to your words, and inventoried and accounted for each emotion that I was feeling in that moment, I reached up and wiped tears from my eyes with the heels of my hands. As I dried the tears, and opened my eyes, I saw the morning light filtering in from between the slats of the blinds in my bedroom window. As my eyes adjusted to the light in the room and I took in the familiarity of my surroundings, I glanced down to find the phone that I must have laid down to wipe my eyes. It wasn’t there. I looked to the nightstand to my right to see my phone on it’s charger where I place it each night. It only took a moment to realize that the call had not truly occurred at all. The feelings – the comfort, the peace, the warmth; the tears – they were all real, and still present; but the voice I heard was only a recollection from memory; and the conversation, a product of my imagination, constructed by stubborn hopes and desires.

Whether a sign that there is still at least a remnant of connection, or just proof of my inability to give up HOPE, your voice and words washed over my soul and gave a brief moment of life to my dry bones – and I thank God for that moment, and the strength it provided for me to keep moving forward.

The majority of this post was written just over a year ago, and has remained in draft form. I have found it difficult to find time to quiet my mind for anything creative for some time now. However, it was important for me to get this out today, despite the need for some editing and revision.